Sunday, January 15, 2012

My thoughts

Almost 2 years ago I decide to escape. Escape a life that wasn't for me. I decide stop being someone it wasn't me. I decide to stop trying to fit in.

I was living a joke. I hate my life, I hate what I became. I was in a relationship were I wasn't happy, with someone I didn't love anymore. I wasn't the best wife, the best mother.

I know that I hurt so many people with my decision. It wasn't my intention, but it was for the best.

I decide to go solo and discover life again. To see what's out there for me. To start a new life. It's not been easy at all. It have to break a lot of obstacles, but this make me stronger. Also, I discover my strength and my weakness. I discover how far I can go. But by doing all this, I lost the love of the person that I love. That person is my daughter. I hope that she one day can understand why I left, that she can understand that this have nothing to do with her. That she can understand how much I love her.

If you ask me now that if was worth it, I would tell you yes. I'm not happy, I'm not where I want to be, but at least I'm free. I'm free to say what I want to say and to do what I want to do.

There so many times that I felt like I failure, because I'm not on the level that I want to be. Sometimes I don't want to live anymore, because I'm not happy, because I'm lonely.

I don't have yet the career I want, but I'm working on it. I have to beak so many walls. But not all have been bad. I discover new talents on my and I have been gathering experience. Just living one day at a time.

You might ask, what about love? In that department I haven't have any luck either. Just my heartbroken so many times. Why is so hard to find love. Why is so hard to find someone that love you for who you are. Why people can't be honest. Why they have to come to your life making you believe something, when in the end was a lie.

You don't have any idea on how lonely I am. On how lonely I feel. You see me out smiling and be the center of attention, but at the end of the day I come home to an empty place. Underneath that happiness is a sad, lonely person. A person that is hungry to be love. A person that just want to be truly happy.

Sometime I feel disappointed, I feel like I'm stuck in the same place. That no matter what I'm still in the same place.

I don't know what the future is ahead, but I guess that I have to keep moving to see what's ahead.
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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Quote of the Day

Discipline is what you do when no one is looking.

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